As part of an ongoing quest to help our customers to become confident parents, we thought it’d be fun to do a round-up of philosophies that are gaining popularity among modern mamas. We all want to parent well, and our generation’s focus on higher education and professional pursuits has only naturally led to our desire to parent as professionally as we trained and work(ed). We’re not suggesting you have to study to be a good parent, not at all! We think we all do our best parenting when we follow our instincts, but finding researched and proven support for that which we already feel in our hearts is profound.

This is by no means an exhaustive list of available parenting philosophies, but it does touch on many of the ideals that we all strive for: happy, confident, and well-rounded children.

Attachment parenting

Many of us are already familiar with attachment parenting and its seven basic tenets, but we start here because we’ve noticed it to be a springboard of sorts. Parents who follow the principles of attachment with their babies often find themselves drawn to one or more of the philosophies that follow. Does it mean that donning a baby sling destines you to be a radical unschooler? Nope. But there are undercurrents of attachment in each of the following philosophies.

Unplugged parenting

Despite many pediatricians’ recommendations that children under two get no screen time at all (including TV, computers, or other electronic media), the industry of early childhood entertainment is as bustling as ever. One study found that two-thirds of infants and toddlers watch two hours or more of TV per day, and the average intake only increases as children get older. Much of our common culture is based on being able to identify and talk about who’s who and what’s what in the entertainment world, so what’s behind the impetus to keep our kids unplugged?

There are as many reasons as there are families, but in general, unplugged parents are concerned about one or more of the following: advertising, brain development, obesity, negative influences, and over-stimulation. Conflicting studies exist to “prove” television’s benefits and risks for young children, so the decision, as always, is up to you. What are you comfortable with in terms of screen time for your babies and children, and will there be sacrifices involved in that decision?

Radical unschooling

Unschooling seeks to remove children entirely from the school system (and even from homeschooling), allowing them instead to pursue their interests and passions on their own schedules. There are no exams, no curricula, no grades; instead, children are trusted to be innately curious and willing to learn when it is not forced upon them. In removing the constructs of what they “should” learn, unschooled children often find that what they can learn doesn’t end with the school bell.

From unschooling springs radical unschooling, which blows open all traditional methods of parenting and discipline. Radical unschooling parents live in partnership with their children, where every member of the family, regardless of age, has a say in how said family operates. Three-year-old Maggie is still happily awake at midnight? No problem; she’ll go to sleep when she needs to, and Mama will be there to help. Eight-year-old Jude plays video games all day? Unschoolers say let him be; limiting access to something he’s passionate about will only make him want to do it more. In general, radical unschoolers seek to parent respectfully, seeing themselves as facilitators rather than gatekeepers.  Does it mean letting your kids run wild and watching your home fall into chaos? No --- it just means that everyone who lives in the home has equal rights to get needs and desires met. 

Interested in learning more about radical unschooling? Read Dayna Martin’s Radical Unschooling: A Revolution Has Begun, or check out Edmonton mom Sarah’s blog, Dandelion Roars.

Slow parenting

Slow parenting (sometimes interchangeable with idle or free-range parenting) suggests that we take a step back from the hyper-parenting culture that has taken over lately. Slow parents are mindful not to over-schedule their kids, or to over-extend themselves in ways that compromise a familial dedication to slow living. Unstructured play is paramount, early childhood classes are limited or non-existent, and much attention is given to being rather than always doing.

A big-picture goal of slow parenting is to protect childhood in the face of fast-paced adulthood. Why are we rushing our children to be early crawlers, walkers, talkers, and readers when they will almost always learn these things in their own time, anyway? Why are we rushing them out of a childhood that’s already fleeting? Slow parenting doesn’t seek to extend the finite period of youth, but rather to appreciate it fully while it’s here.

Want more about slow parenting? Read Carl Honore’s In Praise of Slow, or check out local Edmonton mama and blogger Laura over at Tortoise on the Loose.
 

Unconditional parenting

As our babies grow into children, it’s almost automatic to fall into a rewards-and-punishment style of parenting. Smile for the picture, and then we’ll get you a treat. You didn’t share with your brother, so now you don’t get any toys.

Unconditional parenting makes a case against these types of interactions, arguing that both punishing and positively reinforcing our children’s behavior teaches them that our love is conditional. Do we love them any more or less when they behave well or badly? If not (of course not), the tenets of unconditional parenting question why we act as though this is the case. What’s the alternative? Perhaps we strive not to underestimate our children’s ability to understand reason; perhaps we act from a place of love rather than dominance, and see what happens. If our kids see that their actions have consequences not just for them but for others, the argument follows that they will grow up to be compassionate, respectful adults.

Want more about unconditional parenting? Read Alfie Kohn’s book by the same name.

From the August 2011 issue of The Source
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